SUNSET & DECISIONS – 5.9.17

Sitting at dinner last night looking over the beautiful ocean watching the sunset. Alex and I got talking about my ‘situation’. Of course as soon as this happens, tears begin. I can’t help it. She looked at me with caring eyes, “it will be ok Don” as she reached out and grabbed my hands and she’s right – she has to be. But, when you really think about it. Will it? How do I know? That’s the problem. I don’t know. No one does. All I do know is, that I’ll give everything I’ve got, to hope that is the case.
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I don’t want to die. I’ve got too much to live for. The words that constantly echo in my – and probably most people with an illnesses- head. It’s a really shit situation to be in. One I hope, no one else I know, will ever have to be in. But sadly, I don’t think I’ll be the only one. With cancer predicted to effect over 134,000 Australians 2017*.

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We started speaking about the whole deal, what I’ve been through, where to next, treatment options, alternative therapies, medical, medicinal… and it got me thinking, there are so many decisions to be made in these situations and I’m not the only one facing this. How do you know you’re making the right one?

The answer simply. You don’t. No one knows. Currently as it stands there is no cure for brain cancer. Surgery, radiation & chemo alone will not cure it. But generally it will buy you some time. Some time with your loved ones, some time to hope a cure or alternative drug is discovered.

I should say, some people do get lucky and do survive this cancer. But the vast majority unfortunately do not. It’s not a pretty picture. But, I do plan on being in the minority – dont worry. Power of the positive mind…✨

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The problem is with anything medical, is that it takes time. Currently there are no trials happening for my tumour type. They generally trial drugs on the big one, GBM – in other words, Glioblastoma Multiforme – this sadly has a very grim prognosis. So thankfully, I don’t have this. But there’s no saying my tumour can’t turn into this either. Hopefully with treatment I can keep ‘Terry’ at bay.

Discussing keeping ‘Terry’ at bay last night, we thought, he doesn’t necessarily have to go, but just sit peacefully and let me live my life. I’m happy to share my brain if I must. Maybe it’s time to show him a little love? And thank him for so far causing me no more harm. Sounds sort of crazy I know, but what else do you do?

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There are big claims about medicinal treatments too – Cannabis oil, frankincense, tumeric, alternative diets etc etc. But how do you know what to take? And when? And how do you know it won’t negatively effect your medical treatment prescribed? You don’t.

Everyone who is doing these things are just hopeful. There’s plenty of people out there who claim that certain things have cured them. But at the end of the day, how do you know it was definitely that “thing”. You could have possibly got better anyway, or it could have been the radiation/Chemo or maybe it was the diet, cannabis oil or any number of other supplements that are available out there. Maybe it was a conjunction of them all?

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It’s so hard when your dealt the ‘C’ card. You have advise from everyone, everyone has their own opinion or story. And of course everyone has the best intentions – and the advise & stories are great – but when you are the one in the situation and suffering to comes to term with it all, it can be overwhelming. And a very hard decision to make on which path to take. At the end of the day, you need to do what is right for you, your family and loved ones.

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For anyone else out there like me facing these hard decisions for any disease, not just cancer, please know that you are not alone in this decision making process. Sometimes it can feel very isolating and having to face up to the truth is hard. But nothing for anyone in this life is a certainty – healthy or otherwise.

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If you know someone who’s been diagnosed with cancer or illness, please do be careful how you approach it. Sometimes you just don’t like talking about it, I personally, rarely do. I’d rather push it to the back of mind and just forget about it. Move on. It’s bad enough to have to have cancer let alone talk about it. I live it every day. My outlet is writing this blog. Which I would have never previously done but I find it very therapeutic. That way you can still get your thoughts & feelings out, without having to actually discuss it. Don’t get me wrong it’s not like I don’t want to talk with my family/friends but I find as soon as I start talking, I cry. Then it just ends up in a big teary blubbering mess. And I don’t want that everyday.

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One of the best things is to take time out and enjoy life and appreciate what’s around you. For example now, as you’ve probably seen I’m in Thailand. Having an awful time 🍹☀️🌴🍺🏝😝. These little things all help. Smile, live life & enjoy.

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I’d like to thank a few gorgeous friends & family who so kindly arranged some special things for me while Ive been away – Lou, Sarsy, Nat & Rob – THANK YOU! I’ve had spa treatments, dinners & the Phi Phi island tour paid for. Thank you for your generosity. It’s was such a beautiful & very much appreciated gesture.

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To my beautiful hippy travel companion Alex, thank you for coming with me on this holiday. I’ve had the best time having some well needed time out. Spending it with you has been so fun. It’s been a good few years since our last wild adventure. Fair to say it’s definitely not as wild as they used to be but it’s been ever so fun and definitely not the last!

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To Seany, thank you for encouraging me to take this trip. I love you. And my little men, Hux & Reevie, I love you too. Can’t wait to see you both. I’m on the hunt for a Thai style Dinosaur to bring you home…..(does an elephant count if I spray him green?!).

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Now as we start to round up the holiday with our last 2 days – sunshine, cocktail or two/four/five, maybe checkout Thailands ladyboys for a laugh – let’s hope I can bring some of this warm weather home to Melbourne! Looking forward to seeing my little tribe ever so much ❤️.

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Love Don x

#braincancer #lotusjournals #donnassupportsquad

A photo Alex snapped while talking to Seany ❤️.

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*Source

https://canceraustralia.gov.au/affected-cancer/what-cancer/cancer-australia-statistics)

4 thoughts on “SUNSET & DECISIONS – 5.9.17

  1. Legend Donna! Keep writing this amazing blog! I always look forward to reading it and take a great deal of inspiration from your fortitude.

    Like

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